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Femmiest Birthday Ever

This article was written by Chandler, one of our blog contributors to The views expressed in this article in no way reflect the views of this enterprise or its creator.

Two years ago on my birthday, I took the test dose of an antidepressant I was prescribed and hallucinated and had disturbing, suicidal thoughts. Last year on the week of my birthday, I was raped, my boyfriend broke up with me, and my house became infested with fleas because of a cat I had fostered during the summer.

I decided that this cycle of trauma and anxiety about said trauma had to stop.

So I decided to take back my night by throwing myself the Femmiest Birthday Ever.

I knew that this day would have to be spectacular, and I had a week to plan it.

First, I decided what the color scheme should be. I really like rose gold and bubblegum pink, so I chose those two main colors and supplemented with pastel pink, hot pink, gold, white, and silver. I purchased the bulk of my decorations from Amazon, which I selected and ordered in about 3 hours. Next, I located a helium tank for purchase in the DFW area. I ordered an "It's my birthday, bitches!" sash from Etsy and then went to purchase food galore from Super Target. I got the remainder of my party supplies from Party City (which, conveniently, was located right next to Super Target - what luck!).

I footed the entire bill on my own earnings. From my two jobs and my side hustle, I was able to buy exactly what I wanted, without having to worry about anything. I was so proud of myself for being able to buy myself an exotic treat by the fruits of my own labor.

I invited my entire polycule (Jacob, Marissa, Erin, Natalie, and Ashley) as well as three friends from work (London, Imani, and Rainey) and two friends from high school, Stephen and Tabitha.

I was SO EXCITED when my gf Ashley said that she'd be able to come to my party, especially on such short notice!

I spent Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday day preparing my apartment for a night of fun! I set up a makeup bar, a Captain America pinata (to which I pasted an image of Donald Trump's face over the Captain's face), a minibar, and a photo booth with props and a gorgeous iridescent backdrop.

For me, aside from cutting the cake, my highlight of the night was performing a strip tease for the group and a lap dance for Ashley in front of the group. I have a pole in my apartment, so this was really fun! I pulled out some of my stripper earnings from my stash and gave them to my friends to throw at me. It was such an affirming experience for me to see so much admiration, delight, and approval by my friends.

At the end of the night, London invited us to take an excursion to LaBare's, a strip club with male strippers and great drinks. It was really nice to see a role-reversal - men were serving us and dancing for us!


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